


Missing Scene: Never The Same Again

by SosaLola



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-13 23:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4542189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SosaLola/pseuds/SosaLola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander and Willow fight, that's when Xander realizes they can never have their friendship back. Not the way it used to be anyway.</p><p>This event happened during Consequences right after Faith tried to strangle Xander. Xander and Willow are looking for Faith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing Scene: Never The Same Again

**Never the Same Again**    
  
  
  
  
Xander walked after Willow toward Faith's haunts, looking for her.   
  
"I knew she was nothing but trouble," Willow said. "The moment she came into our lives, things have gone from bad to worse."  
  
Xander listened quietly to Willow bitch about Faith. He knew she was jealous, what with Buffy preferring to spend more time with the other Slayer than dear old Willow. It was only fair to let Willow continue to bitch for all the times she had listened to him bitch about Angel.  
  
"And now we have to find her and  _help_  her? After all she did? Not enough that she had come between us. Whenever I wanted to spend time with Buffy, she comes with her 'oooh I'm a Slayer too, I'm way cooler to hang out with,' and Buffy leaves with her. I mean, what if I wanted to talk about important stuff? What if…"  
  
"You could've come to me, you know," he interrupted.   
  
Willow blinked. She was lost in her rambling to catch what he said. She stopped walking and looked at him, confused. "Huh?"  
  
"If you wanted to talk about important stuff, you could've just come to me," he said, facing her with a calm expression.   
  
"Oh, uh… Xander…"  
  
"Yeah I get it," he cut her off again, his tone cold. "Talking to me is out, right? Yeah, you have to get things back on track with Oz. Hanging out with me is one big 'No.'"   
  
Willow's brows furred in a grimace. "That's not what I wanted to say and things  _are_ right between me and Oz."  
  
"Then why are you still shutting me out, Will?" He was hurt enough to let it out. All of it. For the past few months he wasn't all right. He wasn't all right at all.  
  
"I never shut you out," Willow snapped, taken aback. "It's just that some stuff are not meant to be said to a boy, there are girl talks between me and Buffy."  
  
"You've always talked to me. You didn't have a girl pal before. It was just me and Jesse. You used to talk to me about everything."  
  
"Yes, I did. But not everything everything. I keep some of my girl secrets away from you and just write them down in my dairy. Now I'm too old to have a dairy and there's no need for it because I have Buffy… but once Faith came into the picture, Buffy just forgot I existed," Willow said bitterly.  
  
"You could have talked to me about that!"  
  
"Well, if you weren't out there sleeping with  _her_ , I might have…"  
  
"Oh… oh so it's my fault now. Everything is my fault. I'm the one who has to suffer for everything. It was me who forced you to kiss me, right? That's why you're forgiven and I wasn't," he snapped resentfully.   
  
"Is that what this is all about? You're jealous 'cause Oz forgave me and Cordelia didn't forgive you?" Willow asked angrily. "Xander, I thought you're happy for me."  
  
Xander sighed. "I am." Willow didn't look convinced. "I just hate how things have turned out for me."  
  
Willow appeared angry. "Well, maybe it's your taste in girls."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"All those girls… they weren't right for you. They've all been using you, if you knew who to pick, you wouldn't have ended up this way!"   
  
"Oh, you mean, someone like you? Yeah, 'cause you were so different from all of them."  
  
"I wasn't using you!" Willow said irritably, looking a bit shocked.   
  
Xander scoffed. "Right."  
  
"What?" she whispered, stunned.   
  
"Oh I don't know, all these years playing the 'I love Xander' card, then you got your chance. A few kisses here and there… but then you chose Oz and not just that… you started avoiding me. As if I was this big disgusting thing, now tell me that has nothing to do with using me?"  
  
Willow stood there, looking dazed. Her eyes slowly went glassy and her expression became wounded. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. Is that how you think of me?" Her voice held a broken tone, and suddenly Xander realized what he had said.  
  
"Willow…"  
  
"Shut up," she hissed. "You meant more to me than anything. I loved you so much. Do you know how hard it was for me? Listening to you moaning about those other girls and not noticing me?"  
  
Xander looked ashamed. "Willow, I'm…"  
  
"Now I know I did the right thing when I picked Oz," she let out evenly. She fixed her icy eyes on Xander's guilty ones.   
  
Xander closed his mouth and stared at her unhappily.  
  
She sniffed looking around. "Faith is not here. We better go back." With that she started running towards the high school, leaving behind a very miserable Xander.   
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander headed silently home. Buffy had found Faith at the docks and convinced her to come back. Big yays for everyone. But Xander wasn't happy. It wasn't because of what had happened tonight between him and Faith. Well, not entirely. The majority of it wasn't that she had tried to strangle him or the fact that she hadn't apologized for it afterward. It had been his fight with Willow that had upset him the most.  
  
He stood in front of his house, staring blankly at the window. The shadows of his parents fighting could be made out from behind the curtains. He let out a suffering sigh and walked around the house. Better not use the door tonight either. He was not in the mood to get in the middle of another fighting match.   
  
He stood right under his room's window and began climbing the drainpipe until he reached the window. He pushed at the glass, glad he hadn't locked it like the last time.   
  
Stumbling inside the room, he fell down on his basketball basket. Ouch! His ribs hurt like hell. He glared at the basket, remembering that it fell off the wall yesterday and he was supposed to put it back up this morning. But Giles had called for an important meeting and he hadn't had time to fix it.  
  
He looked around his messy room, full of broken crap. He stood up, feeling the itching pain in his rib.   
  
"Shut it, bitch! I know what it…"  
  
Xander jumped at the sudden yell.   
  
" … if you were man enough to …"  
  
Like always, the screams reached Xander's room easily. Normally, he would open the stereo to block the yelling from reaching his ears. But like the rest of his things, the stereo was broken, too. For a whole week now. He sighed. Guess tonight he was doomed to listen to his parents fight while he tried to sleep.  
  
Strange that it hadn't bothered him much this week. That was probably because of all the sex thoughts he was having. Sex thoughts with Faith. He clinched his teeth and kicked the bed.   
  
The way she laughed at his sorry ass earlier tonight, mocking him.  
  
He groaned and threw himself at his bed, covering his ears so he wouldn't hear the ridiculing chuckles in his head. A Slayer's play toy again, Harris? Memories of Buffy using him in the Bronze to make her honey jealous flashed in his mind.  
  
"You whore, leave that TV or I'll…!"  
  
Xander's hands pressed harder on his ears. It wasn't fair that he had to hear that every single night. Maybe he should ask Willow if she knew a spell to make his room soundproof.   
  
Willow.  
  
It was ripping his heart to pieces, everything that happened.  
  
For the first time in his life, he felt alone. He had always had someone he could go to. After his father lost his job and his family started to lose the real meaning of the word 'family', he had Willow and Jesse by his side. Willow had always been by his side. He knew she had a crush on him, knew that she was the perfect one for him, but unfortunately he didn't like her back. Not that way anyway. Because yes, he loved her, as a friend.   
  
Sometimes he thought he saw her as more than just a friend, but he would block that away as fast as the thoughts appeared. Starting these things with Willow would mean risking everything they had.   
  
He remembered when Willow first started dating Oz, the attention she'd always had for him had lessened. Most of it was given to Oz, and Xander was jealous. But he eventually learned to cope. Besides, he had Cordelia, even though she wasn't a good replacement for Willow. She lacked Willow's warmth, which was why Xander still ran to Willow.  
  
In the Homecoming night, she had looked beautiful. That was the first time in his life when he saw her wearing a dress like that. It was like seeing her for the first time. She had always been Willow; the little girl he used to play with. At that too short moment she was Willow the woman. They had kissed and it was sweet, it was wonderful, they had the whole chemistry thing between them. It was so amazing they kept doing it every time they had the chance.   
  
Guilt was the reason they had returned to Cordelia and Oz. The reason why Willow had let him go and went for Oz, at least that what Xander thought. But it turned out that Willow liked Oz more.   
  
They all wanted the same thing, Buffy, Ampata, Cordelia, Faith and even Willow. Buffy didn't want him at all. She had acted like it once just to get Angel jealous. Ampata had acted like she loved him, but when her life came to the risk she was willing to take his life and save her own. Cordelia hadn't forgiven him the way Oz forgave Willow. It felt like she had second thoughts, like it was good riddance. Faith obviously wanted an easy fuck. And Willow… well, she had gotten what she wanted, and now that she was through, she went for the best. Oz.  
  
That was a harsh thought, but he couldn't help thinking it was the truth. He remembered what Willow said to him earlier, how hurt she looked, how broken and shocked she had sounded.   
  
The yelling downstairs was getting really aggravating. He should be used to it by now. He  _had_  gotten used to it by now that it never bothered him much anymore. Why was it that annoying tonight? Why was it that frustrating that his lip had started to quiver? He didn't cry. He never cried. He might have had tears in his eyes, rarely too. But he didn't cry, because what was the point in it? Would it change what was happening? Why did he have the urge to cry now?   
  
Maybe because things outside his home weren't going well too. Buffy was more busy with Faith and Angel these days that she didn't have enough time for Willow. If she didn't have enough time for Willow, why would she have enough time for Xander? He and Cordelia were completely messed up. He wasn't that close with Giles. Oz didn't seem to trust him or want his company anymore.  
  
And now Willow was angry with him.  
  
She didn't deserve what he said. He was so frustrated that he lashed out on Willow. He should apologize, explain why he was such an asshole. He...  
  
"Give me that beer, woman!"   
  
"Why don't you go and get it yourself?"  
  
Xander screamed, annoyed. He took the pillow and put it over his head, grabbing on it tightly. No, he wouldn't apologize! He had said what he felt. He had said the truth. She was complaining about him sleeping with Faith when she had her chance to be with him but she had chosen Oz. He could have sex with whoever he wanted. Besides, their friendship was ruined the moment Cordelia and Oz had found them kissing in the factory.  
  
He threw the pillow away and just sat on the bed. Drawing his knees up, he hugged his legs and gazed blankly ahead, ignoring the loud voices from downstairs.  
  
The harsh truth was right in front of him. Even if he apologized, even if she apologized, things would never be the same between them. Well, guess what? He was right all along. Hooking up with Willow did ruin their friendship.  
  
His heart twisted painfully.  
  
From now on he must forget about exchanging lunches, eating each other's food, drinking from each other's cokes, the midnight phone calls, Willow tutoring him, the childhood jokes, the special smiles they had for each other…  
  
All that was gone. And even if some of that would still be there, it would never be the way it used to. No matter how Xander wanted for it all to be back.   
  
He bit his lower lip and released a shuddered sigh. He had to accept that he had lost it, no matter how much he wanted it. He had lost what he had with Willow. He had lost his Willow.   
  
"She will never be mine again," he murmured.   
  
Although it was pointless, Xander let the tears slip this time.  
  
  
  
  
 **The End.**


End file.
